The Cinema

I'm a visual artist, so naturally, I love movies. I'm not a huge fan of movie theaters though. There's nothing like spending an arm and a leg at the local megaplex so that some obnoxious people can spend the entire time either talking, texting, or just generally being a pain in my arse. Don't even get me started on people who bring infants to a movie. I'm not talking small children, sometimes smaller children can behave if they're interested enough in the film. I'm talking about the morons who took the 9-month-old to see Blade:Trinity. That's right sitting two rows in front of me, in an action movie, with lots of gunfire and explosions was a child in a car seat. How do you think that fared? I know that at that age they probably aren't processing the images they see on the screen, and forming a fight or flight response, but the sounds have to be absolutely terrifying.

Occasionally, I'll score passes to see a sneak preview to some film that hasn't been released yet. This was the case with the movie "State of Play." these things are always packed solid, there's no room to even breathe and inevitably you will have every possible movie-going stereotype in the theater with you. I was sitting next to the "Tech-addict." this was a woman in her late thirties, early forties who spent the entire movie with her cell phone in her hand, TEXTING. Her blistered thumbs slapping the keypad through 90% of the film with that little LCD screen shining, a major distraction from the screen itself. A few seats down from my wife was the person that spoke to the screen, as though this was not art imitating life, but life itself, and that somehow, we were able to offer input on what direction the characters on the screen would take with their lives. I'd like to offer an opinion on this: If this were possible, then movies would be MUCH SHORTER.

"Don't go in there! You'll get your ass killed!"
"Killed you say? Well, I'll go off and have a cup of tea instead, and you can sit and watch me write my memoirs."

Somehow, it just doesn't have the same impact.

I prefer the cheap theaters. They're usually pretty empty, and the tickets are only three bucks apiece, so if it's a real piece of cinematic garbage (I'm looking at you, Babylon A.D.) I don't feel as though I've lost all that much. Sure you have to wait a little while to see whatever movie it is you've been waiting for, but you know, the less hassle I have in the theater, the better.

Other than that, I'm a huge fan of the Drive-In Movie. We have one only one exit away from us and they usually have first run films, two for the price of one, and often times they'll have triple features. Sure you don't get out of the movie until about three in the morning, but it's great fun, you're in the comfort of your own car, the movie's volume is controlled by your car stereo, and it's very compartmentalized, the most distracting it gets is when some jerk doesn't turn his lights off when he's sitting behind you. The best part of the Holiday Drive-In in Hamilton is the fact that they're open year round. My wife and I loved going there mid-winter. Sure we'd freeze our asses off, but it was still a lot of fun, and in the winter you wouldn't get out as late.